Alien's Tee- "Outsourced Our Laser"

In 2018, a U.S. Congresswoman went viral for suggesting Jewish-owned space lasers caused the California wildfires.

The internet had questions. Like, do we get one? Like, where do we apply? Like, is there a Slack channel?

So we got to the bottom of it.

Turns out the Jewish Space Laser — and we're saying this with sources — has been outsourced for years. The whole operation runs through two intergalactic subcontractors with terrible work-life balance and a customer service line that nobody picks up. The warranty's actually pretty solid. The targeting algorithm is, regrettably, still in beta.

This shirt is the receipt. Two aliens. One laser. Zero accountability. The most ridiculous antisemitic conspiracy theory of the 21st century, rendered in the only response that actually works against ridiculousness: making it funnier than they did.

Because here's the thing about conspiracy theories — you can't argue them down. You have to out-laugh them. And nothing dismantles a slur faster than the people it was aimed at putting it on a t-shirt and selling it for $29.99.

Wear it to the gym. Wear it to a barbecue. Wear it to a Trader Joe's run where some stranger will absolutely read your shirt and either laugh or pretend not to. Both reactions are the right one.

Two aliens. One laser. Outsourced. The Jewish Space Laser, fully sourced, fully merch'd, still pending a software update.